Photos I took of my son’s senior prom with dear friends.
I’m clenching each day in my jaws and shaking loose every ounce of life, savoring every moment, leeching it of presence. Attentive to every emotional nuance, I emblazon sounds and sights on my very soul.
Sleep is of secondary importance. A few nights ago, my three sons and a friend laughed and talked in the kitchen. I settled on a counter top to listen, to soak in their voices. Weary from short nights and busy days, I longed for sleep. But the sands are sifting, and I’m determined to touch every last grain as it slips through my fingers.
That’s how I feel about my son graduating from high school this week.
This is a child dearly loved and deeply enjoyed. There is grief with the fading of season, with the launching of his physical presence out beyond our cozy little family; but there is joy in knowing what a gift he will be to that big, wide world out there. There is peace as our friendship expands into discussions of values and how details tuck into what matters most, in watching him choose, in standing on the sidelines and cheering until I’m hoarse, “Yes! I’m so proud of who you are and what you are becoming.”
In this time of transition, sometimes I cry, sometimes I laugh. I dread a few days from now when he dons that cap and gown, yet lean forward in joyful expectancy as he steps into his dreams for the future.
I am present to it all, thanking God for each and every moment.