What Christmas Means to Me

Merry Christmas!

Christmas, only a few days away, beckons me to pause, just for a moment. I sift below the glitter and finery. I dig down deep to a mystery – messy and gritty. I remember what happened last year. And then my heart soars with joy. This, this is what Christmas means.

For those of you who read this story last year, I hope its message can help you touch again, even if for just a moment, the pure wonder of Christmas. And for my new friends, I’m so very thankful to have begun walking with you in the last year!

To all, may the true joy of Christmas be yours.

Born to Save, video still, 2013.

Born to Save, video still, my son and me with “Baby Jesus”, 2013.

A young woman stands alone on a dark sidewalk, snow falling. She stares, captivated by the scene framed in a large picture window. A family gathers. She can see the love that binds them, as real and palpable as the wind that cuts through her old, torn clothing. She wonders if she will ever be home. She lingers on the outside, looking in.

Jedd, my son, also stands on the outside, looking in:  A turkey adorns the center of the table, perfectly browned and crowned with oranges, star fruit, and kiwi – a bounty of color and exquisite scents. Sweet potatoes, stuffing, beans, mashed potatoes, salads, and cranberries crowd the star attraction, rimmed by green plates waiting to be laden. Warmth and laughter circle the table. A family, glimmering in holiday finery, bows to pray.

Glaring at his brothers’ backs, settled at their places around the table, emotion swells in Jedd’s heart like a black cloud, then thunders across his face.

Just moments before, our family of six gathered with eight other extras and singer Stephanie Pauline for a music video shoot of her new Christmas song, Born to Save. At the table in the heart of the Victorian house, ten lavish place settings waited. With eight extras settled in chairs, the videographer requested two of our three boys to take the last seats. But, how to choose between our three sons? The group laughed awkwardly. Someone joked that our daughter should pick. The situation unfolded rapidly; and before my husband and I realized what was happening, Jedd was the brother not chosen.

At first I think, maybe Jedd won’t mind.

When I originally asked the boys about helping with the video, our oldest son, Jacob, agreed in his usual easygoing, ready-for-anything attitude.

Justin replied, “There’s free food, right? Ok.”

Jedd stated, “No way.”

I watch helplessly as the scowl on Jedd’s face intensifies. Suddenly, I know this is about far more than the video shoot. This is that deep, old wound inflicted before conscious thought. This is the subconscious memory of a newborn baby, thrust into a world with no waiting arms to welcome him. This is the primal wound of the outsider, the forgotten and abandoned.

Amid the bustle of filming and a crowded room, I can’t think of any way to ease the situation except to pray. Finally, Jedd can take it no longer and flees the room.

I follow and slip my arm around his shoulders. Whispering, I acknowledge his hurt. But still I don’t know what to do except to tell Jesus that this whole situation is absolutely ridiculous! This is the exact opposite of what the whole project is about! The song and video, Born to Save, is all about inviting in the outsider. As the story of the video unfolds, the homeless girl watching from the sidewalk will be welcomed in to join the family.

This turn of events for Jedd is twisted and ludicrous; and I tell Jesus He simply must fix it!

The filming in the dining room wraps up, and at least we can now reach the kitchen on the other side to load a plate of food for Jedd. But he is still so sad.

Then the videographer requests Jedd, my husband, and me to join him in the living room to shoot a scene. We settle side-by-side on a couch, and the baby who represents Jesus is placed in my arms. In a moment of certain divine inspiration, the director asks me to place the baby in Jedd’s arms. The final video captures that magic moment. Jedd’s face lights up as he cradles the little bundle.

Then and there, I know that the whole situation is far more than bad luck or nasty coincidence, far more than twisted irony.

On a late October evening, at a music video shoot, Christmas arrives early.

Later, I tenderly ask Jedd how he felt when he wasn’t chosen, what his emotions were as he watched from the outside. Haltingly, he verbalizes those awful wounds that go all the way back to when he was a baby crying in an orphanage, and no one came. I apologize for not intervening in the situation from the beginning, for not realizing until it was too late. Then I ask him if there is anything good that came out of the situation. I know my answer; but I want to be sure it is his, and not just me pushing my own meaning onto something that isn’t true in his own heart.

Jedd is quiet and thoughtful for a few moments, and then he replies with shy delight spreading like a sunrise across his face, “I got to hold the baby.”

I want to jump up and down in celebration! I want to dance and shout, but I maintain the decorum necessary to not embarrass a 13-year-old boy.

My heart can hardly contain the joy as I affirm, “YES and not just any baby, but the baby who represents Jesus! Jesus picked YOU to be the one to hold him in the video! You are not the abandoned, the outsider, Jedd. You are chosen!”

And that, my dear friends, is the magic, the mystery of Christmas.

A great, holy God bends near to earth. He places his son in a manger because there is no room for him anywhere else. He is a God who willingly counts himself among the outsiders, so we can be counted in, a God who sees and chooses the one young boy in a crowded video shoot who most needs to know that the lies inserted in his heart at birth are not his true identity. He is the God who welcomes the stranger, the outcast, the abandoned.

A God who came for you and me.


I invite you to take a moment to watch this video of a song that is stunning in its own right; and that is also, for our family, the mystery of Christmas made visible:

I’ll be quiet for the next couple of weeks as I celebrate the holidays with my family, (including three greyhounds here at the moment!) but I look forward to connecting with all my blogging friends in the new year!

13 thoughts on “What Christmas Means to Me

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s